My Psychology Of Been A Cross-Dress

Today my life has changed beyond anything I thought possible, Nicola isn't just an influence, she is a need, a way of life, her character, her thoughts, transcend into everyday life, she is in my thoughts always. The hunger and yearning to be her never wanes or fails, my only source of true relaxation is to bring her out, to be her and let the feminine woman shine through.

A day doesn't go past when I aren't dressed, when I don't think about what I want as her, the hopes and wishes, the indulgence of femininity, to create the lady that she should be. At times I think she is over-powering the male gender that I was born as, but I know also that circumstance as they stand wouldn't permit her to exist 24/7, if a different time, different place existed then she probably would become the full time woman, but my family values and ties to my parent, sisters and grandparents don't allow that, they would frown upon it and as I have already lost my farthers family and the family I gave up to give Nicola this chance, I can not lose my mother's side.

How does it feel to become Nicola, liberating, rewarding, self indulgent, happiness, all are true, but I feel like I am being me, that for this period in time when dressed, my life is honest and stress free. Even as a male I am never without something feminine on my body, which is slim, smooth, tall and leggy, lol just so you know!, the feel of silk panties, stockings or tights, lingerie that discreetly graces my form, breathes a wave of silent euphoria throughout me. Peace and serenity prevails if you like.

I strive to reach the heights of perfection, to look like a man in drag, or man in a frock, is something I couldn't take, hence the testing and continuous search for that illusive appearance of femininity. Every time I dress, every time I use make up I discover something new, an element that I haven't tried but should, a new way of doing things. The internet is a limitless resource, from pictures of TV glamour models, to personal sites where one can view pictures, to glean information on how to make that subtle but delightful touches that adds to authenticity.